


Clashing Harmonies: Help Me Hold Onto You

by darthswift13



Series: Clashing Harmonies [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Idiots in Love, Romantic Fluff, Social Media AU, Textfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:07:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthswift13/pseuds/darthswift13
Summary: This is part of my Reylo Social Media AU, "Clashing Harmonies", which can be foundhere!
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Clashing Harmonies [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1634398
Comments: 5
Kudos: 135





	Clashing Harmonies: Help Me Hold Onto You

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my Reylo Social Media AU, "Clashing Harmonies", which can be found [here!](https://twitter.com/darthswift13/status/1223974592592654336)

Rey’s eyes are still red and swollen from crying when she opens the door to let Ben in. When she looks up at him, she can see that he has been crying, too. His chin quivers slightly as he tries to form words.

“Can I — can I come in?” he finally manages. 

Rey nods wordlessly, sniffling slightly. Ben follows as she makes her way to the couch, the silence between them hanging heavy in the air. They sit at the edge of the sofa, somewhat awkwardly far apart, and Rey begins nervously picking at the red fabric of the couch cushions. 

She had been so excited to watch her favourite version of _The Phantom of the Opera_ with him, to share something that means so much to her.

When she was a little girl, she used to get the Original London Cast Recording from the library and listened to it whenever she got a spare moment without her foster parents screaming in her ears. She always had a particular fondness for the hopelessly romantic “All I Ask of You.” She used to wonder what it would be like to fall in love with someone who could make her forget her wide-eyed fears. 

She always believed the belonging she sought was ahead of her, and she always hoped that someday someone could understand her, and maybe even love her, and she could finally begin to build the family she had always longed for.

And yet, the moment she started to believe she may have found what she had been looking for, she immediately went into panic mode. Her default setting has always been to push people away when they get too close, for fear that maybe she really is just as unloveable as her foster families always told her she was. It’s a natural defense mechanism, built up after years of being abandoned again and again and again. She learned to stop letting herself get her hopes up long ago to protect her fragile heart. And, admittedly, her heart is much stronger these days, but that’s all the more reason to be protective of it. 

Kaydel was right when she said that Rey has been in love with Ben since the moment she first heard him sing, and she has been falling hard ever since, no matter how vehemently she had tried to deny it to her friends. But after hearing _that_ song, watching _that_ scene together, she can no longer ignore the blazing truth that she hopelessly, impossibly, endlessly in love with Benjamin Solo. And it scares her to death.

So she shut down. She closed herself off from him. She pushed him away. She asked him to leave with barely any explanation. She sat alone and cried for hours. He tried to check in and see if she was alright, but she turned off her phone. Eventually, she texted Kaydel and Rose, and they encouraged her to talk to Ben about how she was feeling. So she reluctantly tried to text him something with her shaking hands. She told him it’s still so hard for her to believe someone could choose her. She told him how scared she is of getting her heart broken. But not much more. She wanted to turn her phone off again and just go to sleep. She thought maybe by the morning she would have the guts to end things, because that’s what she always does the moment she realizes she has feelings for someone. Better to get it over with now. Better to leave before you get left. 

But he insisted on talking to her, insisted he had something important to tell her that he couldn’t possibly just text her. She assumed, of course, that he wanted to break up with her — who could blame him, after she freaked out like that for no reason? — but he assured her that was not the reason. She still isn’t entirely convinced he _isn’t_ about to dump her, but she doesn’t think Ben would lie to her. 

She’s still anxiously picking at the couch cushions when she feels his hand rest on top of hers, gently halting her nervous fidgeting. She hesitantly glances up at him, and she feels tears pooling in her eyes again when she meets his gaze, so fervent and adoring and concerned. He is so beautiful, he is her Ben, and she loves him more than she can stand, and she feels that familiar panic rising in her chest, but something about the presence of Ben’s hand on top of her own softens the ache and slows down her spiraling thoughts.

“So, er — you wanted to tell me something, Ben?” she asks.

Ben swallows hard. He is visibly nervous, and she begins to wonder if maybe he really is about to break up with her.

“Rey,” he says. “You told me — you told me it’s still so hard for you to believe that someone could choose you, that someone could actually want to stay. And I understand why you feel that way, after everything you’ve been through. But Rey, I just need you to know that I _am_ choosing you, and I am not going anywhere because...” 

He pauses and takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Because I love you, Rey. I love you so much,” he tells her. 

And when he says this, the ache in her chest disappears and, for the first time in her life, the spiraling thoughts in her neurotic brain go silent.

She feels tears pouring down her cheeks when she does the only thing she can think to do in that moment — she grabs his face and kisses him deeply, desperately, passionately, knotting her fingers in his hair as she feels him wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in closer to him.

They eventually need oxygen and are left gasping for air, foreheads gently pressed together. Rey sniffs, still crying, but a smile starts peeling across her face, and she chuckles to herself. Ben gives her a quizzical look and she shakes her head.

“I’ve left you on read again, haven’t I?” she says playfully. She laughs again and pulls away just enough so that she can wipe her tears. 

Ben’s adoring eyes are now tinged with confusion and a familiar nervousness. Rey smiles as she reaches up to stroke his cheek. 

“I love you, too, Benjamin Solo,” she tells him, and he presses his lips against hers and kisses her fiercely, pulling her onto his lap as his tongue slides into her mouth and his arms encircle her waist. 

She pulls away slightly so she can look at him.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you,” she admits, as she begins gently tracing his face with her finger tips. 

Ben’s brows furrow as he tilts his head, visibly surprised.

"You have?” he asks.

Rey laughs. 

“Yes, I have,” she tells him as she brushes a stray strand of hair out of his face. “I kept typing it in text messages and then deleting it.”

“Oh my God,” he says, shaking his head as he laughs.

“What?” Rey asks.

“I’ve been doing the exact same thing, but I thought it was too soon and it would be too much and I would scare you away so I never went through with it. Well, that and the fact that I wanted to tell you in person,” he explains.

“So, basically, we’re both bloody idiots who think too much,” Rey remarks. She laughs again and buries her face in his chest.

“I love you,” she murmurs softly.

He kisses the top of her head.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he tells her, and the warmth that spreads in her chest when he says these words to her is like nothing she has ever felt. 

He absent-mindedly runs his fingers through her hair as she rests her head on his chest.

“Honestly, Rey,” he continues. “I think I’ve been in love with you from the moment I first heard you sing — which was extremely inconvenient as I had just made a huge deal about firing you for being young and inexperienced and apparently not good enough for my opera. So that’s why, those first few weeks of rehearsals, I was even more of an asshole than I normally was because I wanted to shut down my feelings, I wanted to push you away, but instead the opposite happened—instead you decided to tell me _exactly_ what you thought of me in no uncertain terms.”

Rey looks up at him and smirks. “I hope you’re not expecting an apology.”

“Of course not,” he continues. “It was something I’ve desperately needed to hear for so long. And the thing is, Rey, you could’ve just ignored me and let me continue to get away with acting like that the way people always have, but you didn’t.” 

He smiles at her again as he brushes her cheek with the back of his hand. 

“So, not only had I found someone who finally cared enough to hold me accountable, but she also happened to be beautiful and unbelievably talented and adorably British, and every time she calls me an idiot I somehow fall a little more in love with her.”

Rey laughs and kisses him again.

“I love you, Ben,” she says softly as she kisses both of his cheeks. She rests her forehead against his. “And I am going to do my best to talk to you instead of pushing you away when I get scared, because that isn’t fair to you. But now that I know how you feel, I think it will be easier for me to open up. I’m not quite as worried that I’m going to scare you away.”

“Rey, you’re not going to scare me away, I promise. You don’t have to feel ashamed and embarrassed about your feelings around me, ever,” he sighs deeply as he gently touches her cheek. “I don’t want you to feel scared, sweetheart. I want you to let me reassure you of how much I love you.”

Rey smiles, and tears are beginning to prickle in her eyes again. “I will,” she tells him, and she means it. “I promise, Ben.”

And then she kisses him again, more slowly this time, holding his face between her hands as she savors the taste of his lips, soft and full against her own.

“I do need you to reassure me,” she murmurs. “I need you to show me, Ben.” She gingerly takes his hand and guides it lower. “I need you to show me how much you love me.”

And he does.

\--

He tells her how much he loves her with his lips brushing against her neck. He tells her he loves her as his hand slides between her legs and she knows he loves her when he reverently marvels at how wet she is for him.

He tells her he loves her as he kisses each of her thighs and she can feel how much she loves him when his mouth is on her, licking her open, pulling her closer to him, holding her tight. 

She tells him she loves him as he continues his worshipful ministrations, intense resolve in his eyes, and no one has ever loved her so gently, so softly, so perfectly. She tells him she loves him and the words come out in whimpers and moans until she can no longer form words at all, and when he makes her come she cries out his name. 

But she is still unsatisfied; she still needs more of him — all of him. 

She is still on the sofa, and he is kneeling before her, his head is resting against her thigh, eyes closed.

“Ben,” she says softly, letting her fingertips brush through his hair. He opens his eyes and gazes up at her. 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I need you to fuck me, Ben,” she tells him. “I want to make you come.”

\--

When they are in her bed and he is finally naked, she traces his skin with her fingertips, memorizing the angles of his face, her fingers delicately tracing down his neck, to his collarbone, across his shoulders, down his arms, across his chest. She wants to memorize every inch of him.

\--

She gasps when she feels him sliding into her, and she will never get over how perfect it feels to have him inside of her. She closes her eyes and grips at her sheets, desperate for something, anything, to help steady her. She feels his lips brushing against her ears.

“Rey,” he says, his voice low and breathless, “Open your eyes, sweetheart. Please,” he adds, a tinge of desperation in his voice.

She does as she’s told and she holds his gaze. There was a time in her life when she would have desperately looked away if someone looked at her like _that_ , and even now there’s a part of her that wants to let her eyes dart to the ceiling or to the floor, to hide from his love. But she keeps her eyes fixed on him, and she never wants to look at anything else.

She is still looking at him when she comes, his name escaping her lips, and she is still looking at him when she feels him filling her as he moans her name.

He collapses beside her and they are both gasping for air. When her breathing returns to something resembling normalcy, she wraps herself around him, and he pulls her in close against his chest. Rey hums contentedly as his fingers run through her hair. He kisses the top of her head and squeezes her tightly.

“I love you, Rey,” he tells her softly, his voice tender and vulnerable and adoring.

“I love you, too,” she replies sleepily. She feels safe and calm in his arms. Loving him makes her feel strong, and no matter what happens, she will never regret deciding to be brave for him. 


End file.
